“I seem to have suffered along with my daughters, using what I knew best; inherited from my parents. I would like to learn how to have a healthier relationship with one of my daughters, who I believe is an indigo child. She is now 25, married with two little children. How do we start with a healthy change in our relationship? She lives in a different province. She is not accepting any communication whatsoever.” Gratefully, C

My heart goes out to you. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for help and it shows the great love that you have for your daughter. You are certainly not alone in your situation whith your daughter..what sets you apart is your willingness ot ask what can be done and to follow through with it.Indigo children demand that you relate to them soul to soul, not role to role  - and in truth, all children and parents benefit when they move their relationship to this level.

Take a moment to think about what that means to you to relate soul to soul, and to drop the role to role approach. Role to role usually means, "I'm the mom and I'm in charge... I'm supposed to be.. so you will do as I want you to because I'm bigger, older and I know what's best for you. I se the rules and you follow them." This main complaints that daughters (from teens and beyone) have abouttheir mothers is that they are too controlling and that mothers do not see their daughters as people in their own right. (Mother's also complain that they are not seen as real people either!) Be willing to step outside of your role, be open and curious about how  your dauther really is as a person, and about who you are beyond your mothering role.Indigo children are nearly always the 'systems busters' in families that are still functioning by principles and beliefs that do not truly honour the inner being of each individual. The beautiful thing is that when the old rules fall away, a new depth of understanding and living is born. Can you feel gratitude to your daughter for breaking this system apart and creating this opportunity? That would be the first step if I were in your shoes..to feel actual gratitude to her for rebelling against a system of rules and beliefs that was no longer working. In my experience, forgiveness comes when I can be truly grateful to someone for playing a role in my life that helped me access a deeper opportunity to wake up to a new awareness and higher level of consciousness.Secondly, honour YOUR inner being and do not beat yourself up because you were caught up in parenting methodologies that were passed down to you.

Our parents were doing their best and carried out discipline practices that they felt it was their duty to enforce (and I bet that's exactly what you were doing). Parenting over the years has been evolving in consciousness. In the 4th Century apparently it was not uncommon to simply throw unwanted babies into the river! Torture was a common way to force child labour for many centuries. Punishment and reward parenting systems came next in the rising consciousness, and now we are evolving to a level that recognizes that a parent's job is to guide children to connect with their inner Being, develop their strengths and gifts, and facilitate their ability to function with others.With deep honest write your daughter a litter that honours both of you. Even if she won't read it yet, writing it will be good for you and for her. Tell her what you would have liked to have known when you were raising her, and what you would have done differently. Ask for her forgiveness. Thank her for refusing to accept dysfunctional beliefs and principles, and for challenging you on them and opening our eyes. Recognize the courage it takes to choose differently and to break the mold. Let her know what you appreciate about her as a mom. Share with her what kind of relationship you want with her now. Even if she won't open the letter, you will be focussing your thoughts in the direction you now wnat to go - which is the key to creating the relationship you want. Stop beating the drum and telling teh story of what you know doesn't work and focus on what you want to bring in the now.. that means that in your mind, stop worrying and writing horror novels about how badly things have gone and may go in the future, and start sending love to your daughter whenever you think of her.. daydream about living the relationship that you truly want. You may thing that these are only thoughts, and thoughts don't matter...on the contrary. They matter most.

Nothing ever comes to fruition without first being a thought..thoughts are what drove the interactions that created the situation you're in now. Don't seek to change your daughter.. only to change your own thoughts so that they align with your deepest desires. Our inner world creates our outer world. I have recently heard that if you hold a vision of what you want, think the thoughts and feel the emotions that you want to experience for 68 seconds you will begin to manifest what you want. Enter into the spirit of what you want to create. Therefore, keep a copy of the letter your write and read and re-read what you appreciate about her and what you want to create in your relationship with her and your grandchildren. Read it with feeling and send your daughter love in your thoughts and prayers. See yourself and your daughter and her family encompassed in the love thayou desire to experience together. Send her love in your thoughts and prayers.

Be creative and find ways to send her messages that let her know that you love her.. If she won't read your letters you may want to read some of your letter to her on the phone. You may want to ask for her forgiveness on the phone. Leave her a short, loving message on her phone or email. Leave the messages without expectation that she needs to return them.. leave them just so that she knows that you love her. (Don't over-do this part! You don't want her to feel bombarded.)Most of all, be in earnest in everything you do, and check yourself to be sure that you are not acting with an expectation of something that must come from her in return. Be completely honest. Speak to her heart from your heart. There is no greater power than the power of unconditional love.