Make this School Year a Success for Everyone!
In this age of hyper-parenting, many parents feel pressured to MAKE SURE their child succeeds. Parents want children to get good grades, make great friends, and have every opportunity to be the next Tiger Woods. Consequently, we schedule them into numerous activities, struggle through homework assignments with them, and smooth out the social wrinkles for them.Do we receive the thanks we think we deserve in doing so? Not usually. Instead, we find ourselves trapped in power struggles, exhausted from taxiing them from one activity to another, and wishing there was some way to create the harmonious family life we so long for.Before you get swept up in the whirlwind of social and school, or pre-school, expectations STOP and take a step back, and then ask yourself what is truly most important to you and your child.
What do you think has more impact on your child’s life and yours – your child’s grades, or the quality of relationship you have with your child? Many parents tear their relationship with their child apart by pushing too hard for the almighty “A.” The greatest influence on your child’s self-esteem AND success in life is the quality of relationship you have together.
Where do you draw the line when it comes to extracurricular activities? When do they enhance your lives and when do they detract from it? Recognize the importance of “free time.” Children’s stress is a growing health concern. Kids need time to kick back, relax, and play on their own. Be selective about organized activities and be sure they support your child’s passion – not yours!
How will your child develop the inner strength, persistence, and inner discipline to thrive in life? The following story holds the key to this question:
A boy from India was studying under a Master to learn of life’s secrets. One day, this boy found a cocoon and ran excitedly to tell his Master of his find. “How can I learn from this, Master? What should I do?”
The Master said to the boy, “Simply observe. Watch carefully as the butterfly emerges. Do nothing else; simply watch.”The boy ran back to the cocoon and watched and watched. Eventually, he noticed a long thin crack developing throughout the length of the cocoon. He waited excitedly as he saw one hairy leg push its way through the crack, then another, and another. Slowly, one wing broke away from the cocoon, and then another leg. But now the butterfly appeared to be stuck. Struggle as it may, the second wing clung stubbornly to the inside of the cocoon. The boy, unable to endure the anxiety of watching the butterfly’s struggle, reached in and freed the wing, pulling the butterfly out.The butterfly fluttered into the air, then spiraled down to the earth. It was unable to fly. The boy ran to his teacher saying, “Master, something is terribly wrong! It was exciting watching the butterfly come out of the cocoon, but now it can’t fly. What happened?”“Are you sure you only watched?” queried the Master.“
Well, I did help it a little,” explained the boy. “It was having so much trouble that I reached in to pull it out.”It is difficult to watch the struggle,” explained the Master, “but when you reached in to pull the butterfly out, you denied it the opportunity to strengthen its own wings. That is why it can’t fly.”As you watch your children face their challenges in the year ahead, certainly Be Present for them. Be their coach, their mentor, their confidante… but do NOT take responsibility for their challenges! Remind yourself that their challenges are there to help them develop inner strength. You can best help your child by seeing the strength within them and appreciating their challenges as growth opportunities. Empathize with them, recognize their frustration and their struggle, and offer guidance if they ask.Create abundant opportunities for young children to increase their responsibilities and to figure things out for themselves.Let your school aged children take responsibility and set up a plan to handle their homework!
Ask your child:
What time is best to tackle homework? Be prepared to accept the time that she chooses. You may think right after school is best, but she may need to take a break and tackle it later. Let the situation play itself out and be prepared to experiment to find the right time. Remain curious and accepting of your child’s decisions.
Where is the best place to do homework? Encourage your child to set a regular time and place for homework, but remember to be flexible! You may not think that music or background noise is helpful, but some people concentrate best with background noise. Studies show that, set to 60 beats per minute, Baroque music enhances learning. Allow your child to experiment and decide for himself what works best for him.
What else is needed to complete homework? Does she need extra help from a teacher or a tutor? Encourage her to go to the teacher or friends and ask for help. With younger children you may want to go with them and set up a plan with the teacher. Many parents feels lots of pressure from school to “teach” their child new skills. If this is the case speak to your teacher, find out why they aren’t learning the skills in school, and ask that they only send home practice work that your child can handle.
What can you do to help them stick to their plan? Work side by side with your child and do your work- reading, writing, banking, etc. This creates an atmosphere that is conducive to learning and helps wean children who have depended upon you to do their work in the past.
Encourage your kids to make more mistakes this year and to learn from them! As you support them in taking responsibility for their own lives, they will be stronger, power struggles will diminish and you will be stronger. Your family life will be far more harmonious!