Imagination Is More Important than Knowledge
Your attempts to give your children the best of everything, may be keeping them from accessing the best within them.
Einstein said "Imagination is more important than knowledge". Are you giving your child the time and opportunities they need to nuture their imagination? Watch this video to put practical ideas to work immediately to help your child develop their imagination.
Maybe you've been there.... tiptoeing gingerly around your house trying not to set him/ her off! Or worse, giving into buying her/him the chocolate bar or new shiny toy... not because you want to give him/her a treat... not because it's good for him/her... not because you can afford it... but because you will do anything to keep the peace in the middle of the department store!
It was my super sensitive beautiful baby daughter who helped me realize that the more I tip-toed trying to avoid the blow up, the tighter she got wound and the more explosive the blow up. It wasn't fun... for anyone in the family. Then I saw this quote... "Parents who opt for peace at any price find the price of peace gets higher and higher." (Unfortunately I do not know where it originated but I am pretty sure it was someone wiser than I who wrote it... I was still stuck in trying to keep the peace!) How true! It hit me like a lead balloon that is exactly what was happening in our family. And that is what drove me in search of new ways to deal with disturbing situations and to stop playing that crazy game.
I learned to stand in my own power and decide what I will do... not what I will make my child do. I learned to allow her to express her frustrations and hold her with compassion (although not necessarily physically). I learned how to find the peace within me even in the midst of screams and tantrums. And I learned how to help her understand and deal with emotional turbulence.
This is exactly what you will learn when you read 9 Ways to Bring Out the Best in You & Your Child available here.
Do you know that acting out behavior can be minimized and joy and harmony returned to your family when you learn to play with your child? Most parents have been conditioned to focus on correcting their child's behavior... which damages the relationship and causes frustration and feelings of unworthiness.
This isn’t to say that parents don't need to set guidelines, parameters and teach children how to function effectively in all kinds of group settings.
However, children are most likely to LISTEN if they WANT to listen. It's like the old saying goes, "They don't care how much you know until they know how much you care."
When we really connect with our children in the spirit of play, they know how much we care. The only true authority parents have is that which children give them. Connecting established parents as the true authority... the natural "go to" not "run from" person in children’s lives!
If parents can just realize that connecting is more important than correcting, they will create mutual respect and harmony. Play offers the optimum opportunity to connect.
Play is also the child's optimum state of learning. There is a wonderful story in Michael Mendizza and Joseph Chilton Pearce's book entitled Magical Child Magical Parent, which exemplifies how important it is to get into the stream of play with our children to most effectively educate them. It is a story (which I may have embellished in the retelling!) of a man who decides to teach his child how to kick a soccer ball.The man's five-year old son is so excited that Dad is taking the time to play outside with him. But, when the two of them go outside, the child doesn't want to kick the soccer ball. In a state of pure play, he wants to pounce on the ball, roll with the ball, LICK the ball, but he doesn't want to kick the ball! His exasperated father grows increasingly impatient with his son. After all, he brought him outside to teach him how to kick the ball. What will the other soccer moms and dads think if his kid doesn't learn to kick?
The authors of the book point out that this child starts out this adventure in the spirit of play. One-hundred percent of his attention is flowing into his business of play. He is in his optimum learning state. However, as he senses his dad's impatience and annoyance, he starts to transfer some of his attention to his dad. After all, this adult means everything to him, and he doesn't want to make him angry. So now a good portion of his attention is transferred to pleasing Dad. The boy learns to try to kick the soccer ball for his dad. But Dad has missed the opportunity to truly connect and play with his child. There will be other opportunities for Dad to get onside with his son and play. But Dad has to break through his own conditioning and expectations and choose to see the value and joy in connecting with his son.
The joy and the value of connecting are priceless. When we can join with our child in this state of optimum learning we can gradually lead him to learn the valuable skills that we have to teach, and then we all gain so much! Few adults had parents who taught in this manner and most of us feel awkward and inadequate with this concept. The good news is, it's never too late to learn and, luckily, if you are a parent, grandparent or involved aunt or uncle, you have a willing teacher - your child.
Next time your child is playing, allow yourself to simply become curious about the play consciousness that she is in. Ask her if you can join her and remember to let her lead! Stay open and curious about the process and do everything you can to simply stay in the moment and share her world respectfully. Match her body language and see what you can learn from it. If you hear your inner critique pulling you away from the situation, insisting that there are “more important matters to take care of,” or telling you how silly this is, simply ask yourself if that inner critic is helping you or hurting you in your overall life plan.If you are experiencing behavior problems with your child, it may just be that your child is crying out for this kind of real connection.
Studies out of the University of Washington indicate that parents that spend 15 minutes a day engaged in this state of play with their child substantially decrease a wide range of behavioral and learning problems.
Don’t think that the only time you can play with your children is when they are young! As George Bernard Shaw says, "We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing!" In my Playshops I have seen moms and daughters of all ages connect through play, in ways they hadn’t thought possible. Here we have an opportunity to suspend our busy and cluttered adult agenda and absorb the free flow state of play that our child naturally experiences if we don’t interfere. It is a state of being that can be life enhancing for all.
Do yourself and your child a favor for life and resolve to suspend your busy schedule long enough to playfully connect with your child every day. It’s a great way to have fun together , relieve stress and build memories that last a lifetime!
In this age of hyper-parenting, many parents feel pressured to MAKE SURE their child succeeds. Parents want children to get good grades, make great friends, and have every opportunity to be the next Tiger Woods. Consequently, we schedule them into numerous activities, struggle through homework assignments with them, and smooth out the social wrinkles for them.Do we receive the thanks we think we deserve in doing so? Not usually. Instead, we find ourselves trapped in power struggles, exhausted from taxiing them from one activity to another, and wishing there was some way to create the harmonious family life we so long for.Before you get swept up in the whirlwind of social and school, or pre-school, expectations STOP and take a step back, and then ask yourself what is truly most important to you and your child.
What do you think has more impact on your child’s life and yours – your child’s grades, or the quality of relationship you have with your child? Many parents tear their relationship with their child apart by pushing too hard for the almighty “A.” The greatest influence on your child’s self-esteem AND success in life is the quality of relationship you have together.
Where do you draw the line when it comes to extracurricular activities? When do they enhance your lives and when do they detract from it? Recognize the importance of “free time.” Children’s stress is a growing health concern. Kids need time to kick back, relax, and play on their own. Be selective about organized activities and be sure they support your child’s passion – not yours!
How will your child develop the inner strength, persistence, and inner discipline to thrive in life? The following story holds the key to this question:
A boy from India was studying under a Master to learn of life’s secrets. One day, this boy found a cocoon and ran excitedly to tell his Master of his find. “How can I learn from this, Master? What should I do?”
The Master said to the boy, “Simply observe. Watch carefully as the butterfly emerges. Do nothing else; simply watch.”The boy ran back to the cocoon and watched and watched. Eventually, he noticed a long thin crack developing throughout the length of the cocoon. He waited excitedly as he saw one hairy leg push its way through the crack, then another, and another. Slowly, one wing broke away from the cocoon, and then another leg. But now the butterfly appeared to be stuck. Struggle as it may, the second wing clung stubbornly to the inside of the cocoon. The boy, unable to endure the anxiety of watching the butterfly’s struggle, reached in and freed the wing, pulling the butterfly out.The butterfly fluttered into the air, then spiraled down to the earth. It was unable to fly. The boy ran to his teacher saying, “Master, something is terribly wrong! It was exciting watching the butterfly come out of the cocoon, but now it can’t fly. What happened?”“Are you sure you only watched?” queried the Master.“
Well, I did help it a little,” explained the boy. “It was having so much trouble that I reached in to pull it out.”It is difficult to watch the struggle,” explained the Master, “but when you reached in to pull the butterfly out, you denied it the opportunity to strengthen its own wings. That is why it can’t fly.”As you watch your children face their challenges in the year ahead, certainly Be Present for them. Be their coach, their mentor, their confidante… but do NOT take responsibility for their challenges! Remind yourself that their challenges are there to help them develop inner strength. You can best help your child by seeing the strength within them and appreciating their challenges as growth opportunities. Empathize with them, recognize their frustration and their struggle, and offer guidance if they ask.Create abundant opportunities for young children to increase their responsibilities and to figure things out for themselves.Let your school aged children take responsibility and set up a plan to handle their homework!
Ask your child:
What time is best to tackle homework? Be prepared to accept the time that she chooses. You may think right after school is best, but she may need to take a break and tackle it later. Let the situation play itself out and be prepared to experiment to find the right time. Remain curious and accepting of your child’s decisions.
Where is the best place to do homework? Encourage your child to set a regular time and place for homework, but remember to be flexible! You may not think that music or background noise is helpful, but some people concentrate best with background noise. Studies show that, set to 60 beats per minute, Baroque music enhances learning. Allow your child to experiment and decide for himself what works best for him.
What else is needed to complete homework? Does she need extra help from a teacher or a tutor? Encourage her to go to the teacher or friends and ask for help. With younger children you may want to go with them and set up a plan with the teacher. Many parents feels lots of pressure from school to “teach” their child new skills. If this is the case speak to your teacher, find out why they aren’t learning the skills in school, and ask that they only send home practice work that your child can handle.
What can you do to help them stick to their plan? Work side by side with your child and do your work- reading, writing, banking, etc. This creates an atmosphere that is conducive to learning and helps wean children who have depended upon you to do their work in the past.
Encourage your kids to make more mistakes this year and to learn from them! As you support them in taking responsibility for their own lives, they will be stronger, power struggles will diminish and you will be stronger. Your family life will be far more harmonious!
