The Power of Body Language

Have you ever felt at a loss in knowing what to do with your child's acting out behaviors? Have you ever wondered how you can help your child feel better so that he will act better? Body language is one of the most powerful communication tools you can use with your children. Read on to learn how to use it with your child…It can be really hard to know what to do when your child is screaming, crying, throwing things, hitting their head against the wall, or shrinking away into a corner and shutting you out.Inside your own head you may be screaming, "Ahhhh... what do I do to make her stop? What do I say? How can I fix her?" It is a natural parent's response!

We feel it's our duty to change her behavior.  As soon as she senses that you want to change her she will go into resistance... which will create more turmoil, outwardly or inwardly. Either the yelling will increase, or she will shut down and lock it inside.  Either way you both lose.So how can body language help?  What your child needs more than anything else is to feel that you understand her. She needs to feel connected with you.  And body language can be the key to this understanding and connection.One mom shared the story of how learning to use body language as a way of tuning into her daughter eased the emotional turmoil and  transformed their relationship, putting the entire family at greater ease.  "I just did what you said, Maggie... I tried to tune into her through body language. She followed me into the bathroom, protesting incomprehensibly and flailing about on the floor. 

Normally I'd have lectured her and insisted she stop... and usually that made things worse.  So today I figured, what have I got to lose.  I got down there on the floor next to her, felt her tension and tensed up in my own body and said, 'Wow, it's really hard to feel so mad!'  She stopped flailing about, looked right into my eyes, threw her arms around my neck and whispered, 'Thanks Mommy... I love you!' End of temper tantrum. I couldn't believe it could happen so fast!" Connecting with children is so powerful, and body language allows us to empathize and convey our understanding of their feelings quickly and effectively.  And you can use this tool with children of all ages. 

There is a story in 9 Ways to Bring Out the Best in You & Your Child of how a Mom of a 14 year old boy used body language to unlock the door to communication that had been shut his entire life.   In fact she was worried that he was depressed and possibly even suicidal.  Once she decided to tune in with her body language and stop trying to fix him, she reported he talked more in one week than he had in the entire 14 years of his life!Try it for yourself.  Earnestly decide you want to understand your child... put correcting aside and strive for empathizing and connecting.  Become aware of your own body language with your child as well as your child's body language. You can do this regardless of the underlying emotion. Feel into how your child is feeling by copying his body language.  Guess at the emotion that is there, give it a name if you can, and let them know you "get" how they are feeling.  Or just be there with them and listen with your whole body, compassionate heart and an open mind. 

When they are acting out know that their behavior is only reflecting very uncomfortable emotions... and they are trying to get them out. That's why they are acting out! They will release their emotions and thereby naturally shift  behavior when they feel heard, understood and accepted... emotions and all!Body language is especially effective when children are pre-verbal or challenged with verbal expression.Here's the other thing... when we connect through body language we are connecting at a subconscious level, for the subconscious runs the body (thankfully... darn! I forgot to keep my heart beating today...) 

You and your child will feel the deeper connection and that will uplift your relationship in so many ways.Try it!  And please leave a comment here and let me know how it goes...